Outspokenmom blog

Good Morning Everyone!

Well, we have made it to the last day of the new school week for one, and the other two start Tuesday.  Ugh, that is when them going back to school gets, blech for me as their school bus comes at 713am, which means the children need to be up no later than 630, which means Momma needs to be up no later than 6am!  Yuck, yuck, yuck.

Anyway, Friday Fatties!  Hello my fellow fatties :-0  So, as you know, I totally fell off the wagon and jumped back on to ‘cooked’ foods and unfortunately, large amounts of the cooked stuff.  I have discovered, my appetite, is horrendous when I eat cooked foods, especiallys carbs like pasta, bread and such!  Wow, crazy.  Plus, I was feeling a bit low on myself because my stomach once again protruded out like I was about 6 months pregnant and my lovehandles were starting to come back, not to mention the dreaded, rubbing of inner thighs again.  Crap, crap, crap!

So, I don’t know if you are like this, but when I start to gain weight and I see my body getting fat again, I just quit and give up and just start tying on the feed bag.  It is a sick thing that I do, I know I am doing it, I know I am only making it worse and I know it will only make me more upset, so that I will just eat more and more.  Isn’t that the dumbest thing in the world?

Well, today that all changes.  I have a ray of hope that opened my eyes and popped me back into reality and back into wanting to take care of myself, and instantly, my ‘oh woe is me’ is gone and replaced by, ‘oh, nope fatty, you have work to do and you are NOT going down this road again’!  What was it?  It is cold and windy hear in Minnesota, I needed some jeans to wear, I KNEW my new fantastic, awesome fitting, best jeans I have ever had would never fit, but I needed something to wear today.  OK, officially, these jeans are flipping miracle jeans!  Not only do they still fit and I can button them without turning blue, I still look/feel really good in them!!!  I am sold on these jeans and I am going to spill the beans to all of you Fatties out there, treat yourself to a pair of these jeans when you reach your goal, have lost a few, or have lost a lot….I bought them after I had lost about 10 pounds, and they are flipping fantastic.  They are called, “Miss Me” jeans.  They aren’t too expensive, yet they look like the expensive jeans, they are usually about $96, which is a lot, but not a lot for a good pair of nice jeans.  They are jeans you really will need to wear with heels, as they run long, but that is all apart of their ’secret’ on how they make you look so thin.  They ‘wear’ them in just the right spots, they pull in all your fat on your thighs and butt and seriously, I don’t know where the fat goes, because it doesn’t flop out the top either.
Plus, they are super fun too and some are ‘bedazzled’ on the pockets, some aren’t, some have crosses on the pockets (which I LOVE), and some just have designs.  They have all the different colors of blue too.  Anyway, just go buy yourself a pair or try them on…however I warn you…wait until you have lost at least a couple pounds.  They don’t go very high in sizes, but you will feel like a million dollars.

Anyway, so this Fatty is now refreshed and back and ready to take on my fat again and kicks its butt once and for all!  I WILL get below 150, I WILL look fantastic and I WILL be buying more of these jeans, but in a SMALLER size

Oh…here is a link to their website http://www.missme.com/womens-jeans-all.html
and if you are in Minnesota/Minneapolis area, visit Amore & Fede at 50th & France (they have KTIS playing there, LOVE it) or Francesca’s in Maple Grove, Rosedale Mall, MOA, and I think Woodbury.  Amore&Fede have a HUGE selection and are always getting more..FYI, they give their profits to missions, so there are NO refunds on returns, only store credit.

Blessings to you all,
-Liza

Tags: Friday Fatties

My daughter's 1st day of 1st Grade!

Tags: Wordless Wednesday

Really, how much cereal do we have to spill?!

Yep, whole kitchen looks like this around walls and cabinets, awesome!

I have come to some conclusions over the past day or two, some are easier to swallow than others, some are just plain annoying and others, well they are conclusions I didn’t realize until recently and they break my heart.

First of all, the light hearted ones.  I have come to the conclusion that I will never have a ‘finished’ home, or an adult home unless I get off my Arss and do it ALL or, we are someday wealthy enough for me to have ’staff’.    See, I live in a trash house, my house is falling apart all around me, I have mice because holes from construction 3 years ago have never been covered, areas that were never fully painted, trim that was never put up, and cabinets that were installed wrong and won’t be fixed until we remodel again.  Sigh.  I really don’t like it, I don’t want to do it all, but apparently my DH doesn’t want to either.    I have so much dirt on my hardwoods they don’t even come clean anymore.  My garage is literally falling apart and is so packed with crap, most of which is broken, it looks like we are hoarders.  It seems no matter how much I throw or give away, no room empties out, no closet is organized or has room, no area is truly ‘clean’. 

I have come to the conclusion I am a pushover.  I have actually known this my whole life, I don’t like confrontation and will do anything to avoid it…which is really weird because I am a total ‘yeller’.  I find myself often ’snapping’ not because of what has happened at that very moment, but all the things I have stuffed way down deep, well similar to my house, there isn’t anywhere else to ’stuff’ it to. 

I have come to the conclusion that I have been extremely let down by stuff.  I am an upbeat person, it takes a lot to get me down, however after all the things I have watched with my government (personally) with my husbands company, a good close friend going to jail, and seeing first hand how idiotic our federal government (IRS, FBI, SEC, and more) is…well, I am sort of numb.  See, I am overall a trustworthy person, if you say it, I believe it. (For the most part).  If you tell me you are going to do something, I believe you, if you tell me you aren’t going to do something, I believe that too.  Which leads to another conclusion that I have known for a while, I am no longer the ‘bleeding heart’ Liberal I once was.   Believe it or not, it has been the years of financial frustration, trying to get ‘help’ from the government and trying to do things ‘by the book’ only to be f’d over or told, we are doing it wrong (even though we did EXACTLY what they said) or just flat out having them tell us, “We know you are right, however we have more money and will fight it until you run out.”  Wow.  Talk about an f you!  So, I find myself becoming more and more conservative, more and more ugh, gasp, maybe a Republican!  I have been conservative pretty much since I had children, meaning…I am well, conservative!  No affiliation to anyone, just we are a bit more modest/conservative in our home, we believe in good ole fashioned family values and I have found myself fighting for my rights as a mother to even have a say sometimes in how I raise my children. 

I don’t want your laws, your rules, and your thoughts on how I should raise MY children.  If I wanted your help, I would ask.  Listen, people have been raising children right or wrongly for thousands of years without the government, activists, or human interest groups telling them how to do it.  I don’t abuse my children, but I am not vehenemly opposed to spankings, groundings, taking things away (including dinner) and things like that.   If I believe my children are old enough and mature enough to stay at home for an hour while I run to the store, that is MY choice, MY decision, NO ONE, NO ONE knows my children better than I do.  If I think my children should do chores around the house and NOT get an allowance for doing things that are just a part of being a family, MY choice!   If I think my children are old enough to ride their bikes around the neighborhood, go to the park, walk/bike to school, or run to the grocery store for me by themselves, that should mean something!

Ok, finally my biggest conclusion (which I am sure won’t be my biggest or my last).  I just came to the conclusion…ugh that breaks my heart…I am really upset that I have a special needs child.  Blech.  Just typing that out made me cry, but it is true.  I just realized the other day at the pool watching my son, I absolutely HATE it (and I don’t use that word lightly) that he isn’t ‘normal’.  I love him with all my heart, he is the neatest guy in the world, and has been such a blessing in my life, I can’t believe I can even think these thoughts!  It is really hard for me to accept his being special needs.  He looks normal, most of the time he acts normal, why can’t he just be normal?!   I just realized why I get so angry at him, it isn’t when he is truly being a ‘naughty boy’, it is usually when he is exhibiting his “Asperger’s Traits”.    I am SO MAD that he acts like that!  I want to fix him, I want all the money, time, effort we have put into him, I have put into him, I want him to just act like all the other children out there.  I don’t want him to be fascinated with water, not because of the messes he makes, because he just sits there and stares at the water, or he makes waves in the pool just to get water on the pool deck.  Then he jumps out of the pool, onto the deck, to watch the water flow down the cement to the drain.  Why?!  Why can’t he just swim in the water, enjoy the water, why does he have to ‘watch’ the water?!

Oh, it has taken me 9 1/2 years to realize this and I don’t like it.  I feel like an unfit mother, I feel like I am ‘anti’ my son.  I am crushed I could even think these things.  Ha, when I finally admited all of this to my husband when we were at the pool, he looked at me and said, “Those are all the things I love about that goofy guy.”  Then, he said, “Do you think you want…to maybe go to a group, like a support group?”  I looked at him quickly and he started to laugh, knowing before I did what my answer was going to be.  “No, thank you.”  I don’t need a support group, really that isn’t what I need, I think I have just all these years thought I would/could ‘cure’ him.  I thought if I spent enough on vitamins/supplements, fed him the right food, kept chemicals away from him, he would sort of just ‘get better’.    By no means does my coming to this conclusion mean he still won’t get vitamins/supplements, Organic/Free Range foods, be allowed to have chemicals around him or drink out of plastic cups again..I have learned my lesson with those things, they are just plain bad for everyone.  But crap, I have a special needs child and nothing, NOTHING is going to change that.  No amount of prayer, no amount of therapy, wishing, praying more, anything, nothing is going to change that he will always struggle, he will always be different, and my heart will always ache just a little  bit watching him go through life. 

I pictured my life with a house full of boys, I pictured my life sitting on the sidelines of fields, freezing in hockey arena’s, watching my boy(s) play football, baseball, and hockey.  I pictured an endless array of games, sporting equipment and friends.  Oh the friends.  I ache mostly for my son because he desires so much to have friends and it just doesn’t happen easy for him.  He is very similar to his mommy that way, and it hurts me the most when I look back at my childhood and how lonely and weird I felt growing up, I just would do anything to not let him go through that, to feel those feelings, to struggle in school and ugh…it just sucks!  Why can’t everyone see my little boyfriend for who he is?  He is awesome, he is really funny, darn cute, and well a bit quirky!  I love that guy so much, I wish I could take all his pain away, I wish I could make him ‘normal’ but I can’t and that just plain SUCKS!  Aren’t I as mom supposed to be able to fix everything?!  (With exception to the garage, hole in my kitchen floor, and putting up trim.)  Shouldn’t I be able to get him friends, interest him in sports, and stop him from watching water?! 

Yuck…I think I just figured out the crappy part of being ‘mom’. 

Blessings to you all,
-Liza

Tags: Asperger's, parenting

It is officially Friday Fatties all you Fatties out there!  One thing I have to say to you all, I am FAT!  Yep, fell off the raw food wagon in a huge way, I am a fake, a lie, a martyr, whatever you want to call me, I couldn’t follow my own simple rules.

Long story short, you add a family road trip to see long lost relatives in Iowa, stay in hotel rooms, and eat at relatives houses….you CANNOT do the raw food diet!  Then, you add weekends at the cabin with your mother in law who only knows how to love with food, you CANNOT do the raw foods diet.  Add to that my Kumbacha and Synergy drinks being pulled off the shelves for a month, NO CAN DO my friend!  
Then add to that lack of a paycheck and just trying to scrounge for food to feed the family let alone worrying about you getting fresh fruits and veggies, well…you get my point.  I fell off the wagon, but hey, I have a lot of really good excuses don’t you think?! 

So, Fatty Momma here is starting a new running program on Monday(this time for real) and back to the YMCA after Labor Day.  I (hopefully) have a nanny once a week to give me some time to myself and to go workout and then hang with my peeps at their schools.  So, this Friday Fatty, will be no more.  She will be back into her skinny jeans that she just got herself into early July and she will get below 150 even if it kills her!!!  OH, OK that was a bit drastic, I do have 4 children who probably need me around for a while, so not ‘if it kills me’ but I will work my butt off.

How are my other Friday Fatties doing?  Would love to hear about your challenges, successes, failures, hopes, dreams…whatever!

Blessings to you all!
Liza

Tags: Friday Fatties

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Good Morning Everyone!

So last night was our last women’s soccer game of the summer.  Which always bums me out because it means I have to wait until May before I get to play real soccer games outside again.  Although, this year, thankfully I am on a co-ed team too so, even though they are shorter games, I still get to play outdoor soccer for another few weeks.

Anyway, last night we showed up for our game and there were youth football players, coaches, and dads(yea, mostly dads, don’t recall seeing any moms) all over the park, I mean EVERYWHERE!  I think there had to be at least 6 or 7 different  teams or age group out there and lots of boys in each group.  It was I sure annoying to the coaches that they had to move for not only a women’s soccer game, but an ‘old ladies’ soccer game and women dressed in pink! Haha.

So, our game started a bit rough, I think it threw us off a bit having only 1 sub and missing some of our ‘ringer’ players.  We seemed like we were playing one of our first games of the season instead of our last game of the season.  However, things picked up, thankfully, as the game went on.   It was fun playing at a park that was filled with ‘life’.  Usually our games are at parks where we are the only ones there, and rarely do people come to watch our games. 

Last night, during the 2nd half of our game, I noticed more and more of the coaches, dads and football players starting to watch us.  Now, me being a bit of a competitive person and someone who tries to make sure I don’t look like a fool doing things, started to make sure that I tried to ‘up’ my game playing a bit.   All of a sudden, I looked around, the football practices were over and a pretty good number of boys, dads and coaches stuck around a while watching our game!  It was fun to have an audience and an audience of boys/men, not because I want men, it is because men very rarely watch women’s sports unless their daughter, girlfriend or wife is in the game.

I noticed I tend to play a lot harder, run a bit faster, and take a few more risks I wouldn’t normally take when there is an audience.   Hey, I love a stage and sometimes, life is a stage.   It is funny, I am not really showing off or trying to be better for any one person, I just want to make sure I don’t look like a fool in whatever I am doing.   Am I the only person like this?  I usually find myself not caring too much what people think, but when it comes to sports and such, I am uber competitive, although I don’t really care if we win or lose, because I just like to play sports, however I find myself competitive with me.  I like to compare myself to others on the field, I don’t like being last, however being first isn’t what I am looking for either.  I think I just want to make sure I am slightly above average in things.  Oh the high goals I set for myself!

I wonder though, why I can’t find that same competitive spirit in things like, cleaning my house, running, working out, and how I look?  Couldn’t I find some competitive spirit in those things too?  Again I don’t need to be the best, I just need to be above average just a bit in those things, however right now, I am probably near the bottom.   Come on running?  How could I NOT become competitive in that?!  Isn’t running similar to a sport?  I know it is all in my head, I wish I could find that part of me that wants to compete and not suck at running, I just haven’t found that part of me yet.  Same with working out, I should want to workout just because, everyone else does it and I don’t want to be in ‘last place’ there either.  That isn’t how it works for me with that either.  Cleaning the house, running, working out, taking the time to get dressed/shop/do my hair/make-up, all those things don’t work for me because those things bring out my inherently lazy side….OH, speaking of…hang on, need to quickly take my Ritalin….OK, I am back.

I often find myself puzzling and can’t imagine how my husband can be with me sometimes with how I really don’t seem to make sense.   I make no sense, I don’t seem to fit any certain mold, I am uber competitive yet lazy at the same time, things really bug me and other things, don’t affect me at all.   Is this normal or am I a freak of nature that God created?  Hey, I know he has a really sick sense of humor sometimes, oh trust me on this, he gets me a lot and I know he is laughing so hard up there sometimes!  I think this might be another one of his silly jokes, haha oh I am cracking up right now thinking of him just giggling up there in heaven.  By the way, if you don’t think God has a sense of humor, just talk to me, I can give you lots of examples of what he has done in my life with my dreams/prayers.  He does answer all prayers, just in his time, in his way and sometimes, with a little bit of humor thrown in for good measure. 

Anyway, my Ritalin is starting to kick in so, my messed up mind and ramblings are starting to fade….boring!  I forgot how much I like my silly ramblings, my mind that tends to run in a hundred different directions and how quickly it can get off subject.  Oh, those times will be gone for a while now as mommy needs to kick it into high gear for the school season. 

Just one last thing….anyone else do things better with an audience?

Blessings to you all!
-Liza

Tags: Wordless Wednesday

Good Morning All!

I am Home Sweet Home and oh so much to write about I don’t even know where to begin! 

First, just a smidge of the thoughts running through my head right now…..I am frustrated, angry, and well, I guess even maybe disappointed in our world/country.  Just wondering when money became more important than a life and how can we change this?

Long story short, I just finished reading a book and it got me thinking that this extreme terrorist (fiction) guy in the book did have some points on our country…granted, he was a (fictional) terrorist, however I do see some of his thoughts….Our country is consumed by money, we often put money and possessions higher than people and God.  We are often very immodest in our ways, thoughts, clothes, etc. 

How can we change this?  When did money, wealth, possessions become more important than life?  I should probably be writing this blog post tomorrow when I know more, but why do our financial people get more years in jail for stealing money than murderers get for killing people?!  Money is just money, yes it sucks when you lose it, but you are still alive and you can try and get some of that money back.  If someone kills you, or a loved one, you NEVER get them back! 

I have a lot in life, I have a nice home, nice cars, and good clothes.  I feel like I have everything I really need in life, a loving husband, 4 health and happy children and good friends and family around me.   None of us are starving, without shelter, or without the things we need in life.  I do want more in life, however not if it means I sacrifice my faith, my family, and my belief system! 

My children all are dressed nice, they are clean sometimes(haha) and we have access to good healthcare, clean water, and good food.  Sometimes it is a struggle to feed them the healthy things, but we always make it work.  It is sometimes a struggle to buy them new shoes, clothes, the things they might want…however they always have what they need. 
Someday, I pray my husband and I can afford to add on to our house, not just to have a bigger home, but so we can have a bigger kitchen/eating/gathering area to host loved ones, friends, family and those we might not know.  I dream of my children bringing random friends home for meals, always cooking for at least 6, but being ready for 16 if need be.  My love language is feeding others!  Oh, I know that isn’t really a love language, but it is mine!

I think money comes and goes, but true happiness is in your faith, your family, your friends.  Yes, I think it would be fun to have money, it would be fun to drive a fancy car, live in a fancy home, have fancy clothes, travel to fancy places, etc.  However, I think eventually that would all get boring and none of it would mean anything if I didn’t have my family around me. 

Life is so much more than money!!!!  If someone steals your last dollar, that sucks, but thank God you are still alive and have the opportunity to get another dollar someday!  If you lose your house, your car, your possessions, you still have you, your spouse, your children and God.  If you find yourself missing your possessions more than your family/friends, your priorities are in the wrong place. 

Money isn’t something we should fight over, but we do.  Money isn’t something we should kill over, but we do.  Money is just money.  Hey, I know we need money to survive, to live, to whatever however how much money do we really all need and when did we put money above God, above ourselves, above others?  It sucks that there are criminals out there that steal, take advantage of and lie to us, however do they really deserve a bigger punishment than someone who kills, murders, mames, or destroys lives? 

-Liza

Oh my Blogging friends, I have missed you all!  I have been wanting to write, but typing with my thumbs is SO not a fun thing for me.    So much to say, hope it is all still there when I finally get home!!  First of all, thank you to all my new readers!!!!!  WOW!  There are a lot of you, thanks for following and I will be back up and running again soon.  If you r new to me, I suggest you read a couple of my older blog stories to get to know me a bit better.   I don’t have my computer so I can’t point out any for you.  I suggest you click on a tag of something you are interested in and start there.  Oh….my arm is going numb from thumb typing!!                          Ok, I am done.  I will be back on my computer soon!  Until then, I leave you with a small bit of my vacation….

Oops….sorry photos went to top, oh well.  Blessings to you all!

Hi all,      On another bit of a family vacation right now.  Have a lot I want to blog about, now just have to figure out if I want to ‘thumb’ type all week.      Off to finally watch a movie I have all the lines memorized from, but have never seen.  Oh all of u parents know what I am talking about, when u drive and listen to the movie.  Well I am finally watching the ‘moome’ VeggieTales The Wizard of Ha’s.                     Be back soon with new posts.    BTW, anyone up for the challenge or know someone who can redesign my blog for not a ton of money?!                     Blessings to you all.